Chapter 295 The Perfect Asshole & Pussy:>>Ep5

• When the shock of getting way too close to my brother's sex life started to wear off, I began to realize (against my will, I should note), that the information I got from Christine just represented another thing to worry about. Another challenge for Ben. I rapidly began to forget the bright line that seemed so obvious just a few days before. Where was the limit of the kinds of problems that a sister could solve? I wasn't really sure anymore. I realized that Christine had probably not just stumbled into the "perfect 10" conversation. She'd been wanting to give me the real reason she didn't want to sleep with Ben, without saying it harshly. She didn't find him attractive. And she didn't believe he was well endowed. If he couldn't bring at least one of those things, from a physical standpoint, she wasn't even willing to do something for him out of pity. A sympathetic friend of mine who was...morally loose. That was pretty much the best-case scenario for Ben to get to spend the night with a girl he deserved. And it wasn't going to happen. Everything was stacked against Ben. And there was nothing I could do about it.
• By New Years Eve, I was back where I'd been before I spoke to Christine: worried about my brother anytime I saw him. That's not to say that I spent that entire day sitting around, being worried. Or that it was all that I thought about. But, in stray moments, or when I looked at my brother, those concerns would well up again. Maybe they weren't fully clear in my mind. I didn't run through every concern every time. But I felt that guilty ache in the pit of my stomach when I thought about Ben, and I knew what that meant. I knew that if I probed that achy feeling, all of it would come back right away.
• And the idea that I was really stuck on was the one that I had latched onto with Christine. I couldn't make my brother physically attractive to other girls. I mean, I guess that is obvious. But I knew I couldn't just go on like this for the rest of my life, or until I got old and no one found me attractive anymore either. It was too much, I needed to do something to sort of...cleanse the guilt. And I knew I was guilty because other people desired me, and Ben didn't get to know what that felt like. And it wasn't fair. And so, it seemed to me, the solution was to find someone who could make Ben feel like that, even if just for a little while.